Blooming El

LIFE. TRAVEL. GRATITUDE.

FEELING LOST

I haven't posted any life-y updates on here for a while and the simple reason for this is because I couldn't be bothered.

My motivation disappeared last month and is yet to return. However, I've missed writing and really want to find my way back to it, to just dumping my thoughts on here and breathing a sigh of relief. Lo and behold, as soon as I try to get my motivation back, my laptop decides to do a gazillion updates. YOU'RE BRAND NEW, WHY DO YOU NEED UPDATING?!

I've turned to the Blogger app on my phone and am frantically typing this out whilst waiting for the updates to do their thang. And listening to the soothing sounds of Birdy and Laura Marling. I'm pretty pissed that London Town isn't on Google Play Music, so I may have to YouTube that one in a bit because it's a definite fave of mine. I used to listen to Laura Marling a LOT back in my school days, I'd run baths and just sing along to New Romantic and London Town, ahh simpler times.

Times where I didn't have to worry about what the fuck I was doing with my life and everything could be solved by a bubble bath and a lengthy telephone conversation with your best pal.

OH WAHEY, my laptop is alive again. In classic MSN style, BRB xoxo.

uk lifestyle blog blooming el
Photography by Sian.

Sorry about that, I had to tell Cortana to shove her speech recognition up her you know what. Right, where were we? Oh yeah, feeling lost...

Life has been a bit weird lately and I've just felt like I've been floating. Not really doing anything, not really achieving anything, just...floating. 

I've never had a life 'plan'. I left Sixth Form with no idea what I was going to do with my life, I didn't apply for University because I didn't know what subject I wanted to study and didn't really fancy having a load of student debt. I worked in retail for a while, bagged myself an apprenticeship within an education company, and four years later, I still don't know what I'm doing. 

I love my job, I love what we're trying to achieve, and I really do believe that we'll make a difference but I can't help but think I should be doing MORE. Should I study something? Should I set up my own business? Would I be better suited to a position in travel? I have no frickin' idea. 

23 is still quite young but I know that in a few years, I'll want to start a family, and then I'm like WELL I NEED TO SORT MY LIFE OUT NOW THEN DON'T I?! 

The truth is, I have no clue as to what 'sort my life out' actually means for me. Two years ago, I wrote this post on what I wanted to be when I was older and a lot of it still applies now. The lack of motivation and the non-existent career aspirations but maybe that's OK. Like I said in that post, I just want to be happy and healthy at the end of the day and maybe my life isn't about the big career, maybe it's about the smaller things instead. However, where does it leave you when you're not even motivated to do the small things?

I think back to when I first started this blog and I was so ON IT. I was posting as often as I could, interacting with other blogs, getting involved in Twitter chats, and I loved it. Over time, I've lost that drive, that motivation to do ANYTHING and I really need to get it back because being a miserable, unmotivated sod is exhausting. 

I'm not sure how I'm going to do it but even just writing this all out has made me feel 10 times better. YAAAS, I love that writing is so cathartic (best read in Jonathan Van Ness' voice)

So yeah, that's that really. If anyone has any tips on how to you know actually be excited about life then I'd love to hear them. Also, I'd really like to do some courses or workshops - mainly creative ones or cookery ones, so if you've got any recommendations then please let me know. 

I'm going to go back to listening to Birdy and waiting for G to get in so I can ogle at Mr Harvey Specter. 

Ciao for now x